Written by Craig Pascute
Yes I am a dork and started with “Hello World”. Besides being a dork, I am Craig and this site and all the “hubba ballubaa” is about me. I am struggle in life with a nasty little bug call Esophageal cancer, and even though it is of no fault of mine (don’t smoke for ex.) I feel a little embarrassed (or ashamed), not sure the correct word, to talk about it.
For those of you close to me you know I am not one striving for attention and normally I am the first to leave parties. While a loyal friend and what I think a great father/husband I am not a party people kind of person. I am jealous of those around me that seem to have many great friends.
Let me rephrase that. Prior to cancer I was jealous. I am totally overwhelmed by the support from church families, my family, extended families, co-workers, and even now I am sure I am missing people. Want to feel totally loved? Get a life threatening disease :).
I am not a blog reader by any means so I have no idea what is better received, short little reads with constant updates, or longer less frequent postings. I’m still new to the site, but if you have experience in blogging please let me know if there is some rule of thumb that I should be following.
One thing I am certain of is that any writing should have some organization, so lets call all this an intro, not well written, and move on.
First on the agenda is my health. Perhaps I should just update on it and leave it at that, but for whatever reason I am wired today and have been extremely sleepy the last few weeks, so I should take advantage today. How is Craig? Well besides fighting fits of drowsiness followed by fits of insomnia I am doing great. The pain meds I am on are so good that I am literally painless at the moment. If I forget to change my arm patches for a few hours I definitely feel the burn in a hurry :). I am close to needing another dose of the strong chemo again and wonder if my sleep cycle fits that time line. No complaints:)
Second on my agenda is family. I love my boys, and probably the worst thing I can do is think about leaving them and my wife behind. I constantly say that this whole ordeal is win win for me. If I should lose the battle with cancer I get a fast pass to heaven, Lord willing that is. If I will the battle with cancer then I also well win :)… I wish I could say the same is true for my family. Even more than me, please keep them in your prayers. Depending on my outcome their lives could all be bad, and I hate that I can’t control that.
On to something less mushy, let me talk money. I have never been much into money. I don’t care to be rich, and have been able to be happy both poor and well off. I wouldn’t say my family is well off, but since I am able to support my wife, 2 kids, on a 40 hour great job I have a hard time not saying I am well off. My work is awesome. I am currently on short term disability (last 6 months at 90% pay I think) and then I move to long term (lasting 2 years at 75% pay). I really should know those numbers but I don’t :). It is a running joke that I give the wife the paycheck take like 10 bucks and forget about the rest. Granted I have been blessed to the point where I have been contributing to 401k since hiring on at TCS. And they have such a great plan, that they match 4-6% on entry I think. Again I apologize for not having the numbers down. They also have a death clause where I get 1 year of pay upon death. So while I have no insurance, between those 2 sources I hope to not leave a mountain of debt behind. I’ve been blessed with an ability to not accrue much debt in life and am a little boastful to say through penny pinching we only have a small house, car, and some student loans to pay for. Any donations received will only go to medical needs. Lord willing I will be healed and be able to re donate unused donations to someone else. For not liking money I talk to much. Wife/fam, forgive me if I have said to much.
I want to talk about all those supporting my family through food, money ,etc, but really there are too many people to thank and my wife has been doing a good job on thank you notes as well as keeping blog updated. So for today I am going to skip it, even though it means a lot.
Lastly I want to talk about God. While I may have a strong belief, talk a lot in here about God, I am not pushy with my faith at all. I may actually be to passive about and not shared enough looking back on things. Most importantly to my life and yet it’s the last thing I am going to talk about makes me think… Anyway, some things are 100% true and I need to say them before I talk about anything else. God is real, we are all sinners, God not wanting us to all die and spend eternity away from him, offered his Son, Jesus, to the world. He suffered and died sinless, paying the price for all of us. The only burden left for us to accept him. That is it, really. My faith is all on this simple corner stone. I can go much deeper, and explain what that means to me and how I live my life, but I don’t want to get into it here. If you have any personal questions about my faith feel free to email me at Craig.Pascute@yahoo.com and I will be happy to go into more detail.
I hope this is a good amount for a blog entry and hope to talk more soon. I am not sure why I was so anxious about doing this, but really it hasn’t been that bad at all. To all my family, friends, co-workers, prayer partners, church contacts, everyone supporting me with prayer, food, or money I thank you and wish for the opportunity to someday repay every deed somehow. Thanks and thanks again, God bless.